My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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