we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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