I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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