i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
