So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
