sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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