Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
