i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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