does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
