i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
