I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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