I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
