I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
