you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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