im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
