I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
