She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
