So gin and wine won't be happening again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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