theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
