according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
is it fun? or sober?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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