I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
