two words: eviction party
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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