how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
