so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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