Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
