sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
