I think my vagina is haunted
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
