She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This gyro tastes like lonliness
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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