Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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