Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
