I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
