see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I could make wine with my vomit
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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