He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
is that a dick in a sweater?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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