no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
