Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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