i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
