So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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