Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
