Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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