Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize