Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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