batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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