Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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