are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
