whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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