youre lurking in front of me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
