38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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