i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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