We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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