He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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