Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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