alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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