Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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