Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
