Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
