the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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