You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
