I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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