I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
