Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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