Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
