So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
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I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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