Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
