If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
