the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
