We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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