I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So vagazzling was a success
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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