So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
3 2 1 whiskey
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
